..I came across..

I came across a list of phobias arranged into various classifications. I found myself delighted by genuphobia ( the fear of knees), pogonophobia ( the fear of beards ), and keraunothnetophobia ( the ninenteen-letter word used to identify those who fear the fall of man-made satellites ). Reading over the lists, I found myself trying to imagine the support groups for those struggling to overcome fears of rust or teeth, heredity or string. There would be definitely daytime meetings for the achluophobics ( who fear nightfall), and evening get-togethers for the daylightfearing phengophobics. Those who fear crowds would have to meet one-on-one, and those who fear psychiatry would be forced to find comfort in untrained friends and family members.

The long list of situational phobias includes the fears of being bound, beaten, locked into an enclosed area, and smeared with human waste. Their inclusion mystifies me, as it suggests that these fears might be considered in any way unreasonable. I asked myself, Who wants to be handcuffed and covered in human feces? And then, without even opening my address book, I thought of three people right off the bat. This frightened me, but apparently it´s my own private phobia. I found no listing for those who fear they know too many masochists. Neither did I find an entry for those who fear the terrible truth that their self-worth is based entirely on the completion of a daily crossword puzzle. Because I can´t seem to find it anywhere, I´m guaranteed that such a word actually exists. It will undoubtedly pop up in some future puzzle, the clue being "You, honestly."

Taken out of 21 Down, Me Talk Pretty One Day, by David Sedaris