And he said

And he said, "maybe this world is just too fucking beautiful. Maybe I think I don´t deserve it and that´s why I constantly try to sabotage myself and others, whom I really should love without compromise. Maybe I don´t want to see, that it is not all that miserable. But the coward I am, every opportunity I get I run off to this place, as if anything was better there. It is all a big great lie, and I invented it."

R.M. Parkner, Saturn-The Forgotten Place