Game

I wish
every night
and every morning
that I´ve finally found my goal
or my aim
But it seems that it´s supposed to be
nothing but a big, big game
I wish I´d find my home
before my resting place
I wish I´d find some quiet
and some peace
before I´ll fall to pieces
I think I´m ready
but it don´t feel quite right
I wish I didn´t think that much
and I wish I´d feel at ease
I think I am ready now
to settle somewhere
The way there
was an ardous one
Now I can feel it
the grasp
on my fingertips
It could be close
Feelings in the deep-freeze
and no time to thaw them
The heart is a cathedral
but you shouldn´t pray
It is not a place to do that in
You will know
when you know
I´m too tired of running away
from my own ghosts
who are chased by my demons
I´m too tired to recognize
or distinguish
I just need to be kicked around
a little more
Shake me, so I wake up
Agony is a companion
but never a real good friend
I think I´ve been repaired
and the leaks have been ment
Not quite sure what that meant
All the words sound pitiful
that is never what I said
Don´t weigh gold you haven´t earned
The magic always comes back
and doubles the doubt
not in others
but in you
heck, it´s not doubled
it rains sevenfold
I stand in awe
and behold
myself from the outside
what an idiot
what a fool
I should jump in the fire
and dance on the hot coal
Never run away
Always stay
and face it all
It won´t bring the fall
The best season
where the woods turn damp
all prepares for the end
which brings a new beginning
in a few months to come
in which all sleeps
even the beloved bees
my heart is a cathedral
not a church
it´s about the acoustic
not people kneeling down
I fight the fight of fights
The more I fight it, the more it becomes true
Just need to ease down
and all I do is frown
I feel like a destroyer of worlds
the man of dissappointment
and I long
to find a home
to find it
want it to be simple
and not big
So why do I force myself
to accomplish
what I can´t get
The glimpse of it
should be enough
It´s hard to understand
I´ll never let you
even if I´ll let myself down
I can hold you
when I have no pillars
to support me
Understand and don´t ever tell me
what I know
Deep in the abyss
is where the true self roams
If you´d ever have met him
you´d know what I´m in
It´s not meant condescending
because you never did
I lock him away
whenever he´s in the mood
I strike him down
with a light and the buckle of my belt
I guess it´s my way of coping
take the pain
and what I do for a living
is inflicting it upon you
and all the colours
from black to shining bright
after they are healed
you´ll feel good
and alright
if not
I´ve failed
and if I fail
I´ll try again
that´s just the way
I guess
I am
So my tears are not in vain
Cause I truly know
whatever happens
You meant good
in this messed up game