in a dream of high clouds and a darkened door
through a dimly lit passage
in green hills
a pathway you might follow
if you chose wise
before you awake
you will know
what is right
usque ego postera...
vor 9 Jahren
Sonntag, 25. April 2010
how far
how far does love without compromise go? what if you have to decide? without means without, doesn´t it? but what if so much has changed and you are disappointed? what if trust and respect went down the drain? how to take sides? do I have to take sides? whom should I side with? what happens next? why did it happen? I have no higher understanding.
Freitag, 23. April 2010
Before
Before going to the Garden, there were only two options left.
One, becoming an obnoxious wanker and getting selfish beyond comparison, trying only to get what you want.
Two, closing all business with everyone, leaving, becoming a hermit somewhere, one of those people, you always considered to be ghastly and strange, who, in the end will die of a broken heart and almost never be found.
Robert M. Parkner, The Garden-Door
One, becoming an obnoxious wanker and getting selfish beyond comparison, trying only to get what you want.
Two, closing all business with everyone, leaving, becoming a hermit somewhere, one of those people, you always considered to be ghastly and strange, who, in the end will die of a broken heart and almost never be found.
Robert M. Parkner, The Garden-Door
Montag, 12. April 2010
Fillory
In Fillory you felt the appropriate emotions when things happened. Happiness was a real, actual, achievable possibility. It came when you called. Or no, it never left you in the first place.
The Magicians, by Lev Grossman
The Magicians, by Lev Grossman
crazy
At all, the Sale of war-materials in 2008- the last year where a reliable prognosis could be made-
grew more than eleven percent to 385 billion dollars.
To give these numbers some perspective: the development aid budget of all OECD members of the same year was a 120 billion dollars.
grew more than eleven percent to 385 billion dollars.
To give these numbers some perspective: the development aid budget of all OECD members of the same year was a 120 billion dollars.
love
the love of a new book arriving in the mail.
the love of a tear that was long overdue.
the love of sadness of beauty.
the love of the moment.
the search of love for ones own life.
the look behind love.
the love of an instrumental noise that makes you shiver.
the love of sound, the sound of love.
the will to go on, in love.
the love of letting go love.
the smell of love.
the everlong search for love, to banish loneliness, to be alone.
living the lie of pretending not to be lonely.
the try, not to be lonely.
the love for dreams.
dreams make complete, but confused.
the love of surprise.
trying to love the will to go on.
never give up the love.
the joy love brings.
the sadness of letting go.
the meaning of love, yet to be discovered.
trying to see through a fishy life.
trying not to want too much.
trying not to get under pressure, forced to be creative.
tryin to accept yourself.
listen to your friends, but don´t always do what they tell you.
love your friends without compromise.
try to learn to live with disappointment.
try not to disappoint too many people.
let myself drift, but not drift away.
not everyone out there, is out there to harm you.
carry your own responsibility as far as you can.
try and see a beautiful place of the earth.
never harm anyone else.
do your thing.
love.
the love of a tear that was long overdue.
the love of sadness of beauty.
the love of the moment.
the search of love for ones own life.
the look behind love.
the love of an instrumental noise that makes you shiver.
the love of sound, the sound of love.
the will to go on, in love.
the love of letting go love.
the smell of love.
the everlong search for love, to banish loneliness, to be alone.
living the lie of pretending not to be lonely.
the try, not to be lonely.
the love for dreams.
dreams make complete, but confused.
the love of surprise.
trying to love the will to go on.
never give up the love.
the joy love brings.
the sadness of letting go.
the meaning of love, yet to be discovered.
trying to see through a fishy life.
trying not to want too much.
trying not to get under pressure, forced to be creative.
tryin to accept yourself.
listen to your friends, but don´t always do what they tell you.
love your friends without compromise.
try to learn to live with disappointment.
try not to disappoint too many people.
let myself drift, but not drift away.
not everyone out there, is out there to harm you.
carry your own responsibility as far as you can.
try and see a beautiful place of the earth.
never harm anyone else.
do your thing.
love.
unbenannt
l'amour qui vous rend tristes moments dans leurs plus beaux atours, l'amour qui devrait être fait appel à.
Mittwoch, 7. April 2010
Dienstag, 6. April 2010
Gesine
Gesine stellt sich Alter vor, eine hagere Figur, harte Falten im Gesicht, bittere Mundschwünge, allerdings dunkle und elegante Kleidung, Beharren auf hochgesteckten Frisuren, eine verkratzte Stimme, Lächeln nur in den Augenwinkeln. Nie Jähzorn. In ihrerHaltung, wie sie die Beine hält, kokettiert sie mit ihrem Alter, es ist der beweis für ihre Erfahrungen, Sie ist in der Welt unterwegs gewesen, sie hat dem Leben ins schmallippige Antlitz geblickt; ihr kann man nichts vormachen.
Sie hat ihre Affairen gehabt, aber sie war beileibe keine Abenteuererin, es ist alles standesgemäß zugegangen in den besten Hotels in Europa; das liegt hinter ihr. Sie erwartet Respekt so deutlich, fast lädt sie eine Verweigerung ein. Sie ist ein bißchen hartnäckig, fast aufdringlich, wenn sie sich von Jüngeren ausgeschlossen fühlt. Sie gönnt jungen Leuten ihren Spaß, solange sie es ist, die den Spaß zumißt. Gesine stellt sich ein Wohnzimmer vor, einen Salon, ausgestattet im Stil des Empire, in dem die Tante Hof hält. Es geht manierlich zu, die Älteren werden zuerst gehört. Es gibt Tee, es gibt Whiskey. Danach gibt es Tee. Die alten Liebhaber kommen wegen der Erinnerung, der Nachwuchs zur Belehrung. Das Personal ist von fanatischer Diskretion. Die Tante raucht (Zigarillos), sie trinkt auch von den harten Sachen; sie versteht einen Witz, solange sie im festen Interesse der Allgemeinheit ihn unzulässig zu nennen nicht umhinkann. Sie geht mit der Zeit. Sie kann kochen, sie kann backen. Die Tante ist ledig geblieben, es deutet ihre Ansprüche an. Sie gibt Ratschläge in Ehefragen, sie kann sich vorstellen wie es in der Ehe ist (immerhin soll ein Musikkritiker Musik kritisieren, nicht Sinfonien schreiben. Nicht einmal Sonaten). Sie ist modern. (In ihrer Familie hat Gesine eine solche Tante nicht.) Wir haben es hier mit einer Person zu tun, mit der man Pferde stehlen gehen kann an allen Tagen, da die Gesetzgebung den Diebstahl der Pferde vorschreibt.
Jahrestage, 31. August 1967, Donnerstag. Von Uwe Johnson
Sie hat ihre Affairen gehabt, aber sie war beileibe keine Abenteuererin, es ist alles standesgemäß zugegangen in den besten Hotels in Europa; das liegt hinter ihr. Sie erwartet Respekt so deutlich, fast lädt sie eine Verweigerung ein. Sie ist ein bißchen hartnäckig, fast aufdringlich, wenn sie sich von Jüngeren ausgeschlossen fühlt. Sie gönnt jungen Leuten ihren Spaß, solange sie es ist, die den Spaß zumißt. Gesine stellt sich ein Wohnzimmer vor, einen Salon, ausgestattet im Stil des Empire, in dem die Tante Hof hält. Es geht manierlich zu, die Älteren werden zuerst gehört. Es gibt Tee, es gibt Whiskey. Danach gibt es Tee. Die alten Liebhaber kommen wegen der Erinnerung, der Nachwuchs zur Belehrung. Das Personal ist von fanatischer Diskretion. Die Tante raucht (Zigarillos), sie trinkt auch von den harten Sachen; sie versteht einen Witz, solange sie im festen Interesse der Allgemeinheit ihn unzulässig zu nennen nicht umhinkann. Sie geht mit der Zeit. Sie kann kochen, sie kann backen. Die Tante ist ledig geblieben, es deutet ihre Ansprüche an. Sie gibt Ratschläge in Ehefragen, sie kann sich vorstellen wie es in der Ehe ist (immerhin soll ein Musikkritiker Musik kritisieren, nicht Sinfonien schreiben. Nicht einmal Sonaten). Sie ist modern. (In ihrer Familie hat Gesine eine solche Tante nicht.) Wir haben es hier mit einer Person zu tun, mit der man Pferde stehlen gehen kann an allen Tagen, da die Gesetzgebung den Diebstahl der Pferde vorschreibt.
Jahrestage, 31. August 1967, Donnerstag. Von Uwe Johnson
"Wohin?"sagte Pu. "Egal wohin", sagte Christopher Robin
Und sie gingen zusammen fort. Aber wohin sie auch gehen und was ihnen auf dem Weg dorthin auch passieren mag: An jenem verzauberten Ort ganz oben in der Mitte des Waldes wird ein kleiner Junge sein, und sein Bär wird bei ihm sein, und die beiden werden spielen.
A.A. Milne, Pu baut ein Haus
A.A. Milne, Pu baut ein Haus
Montag, 5. April 2010
Sonntag, 4. April 2010
The Jazz-Man
He wasn´t really annoying to me, but he was very loud, that for sure. He was an old man, he had had a hard life, that´s what I figured out.
He just sat down, no one had asked him to, but I guess he didn´t really think about others that much. He started talking immediately, banging with his flat hand on the table to emphasize his opinions. He played the bass-guitar in his own jazz-band. In his mind, that is.
He sang a lot, too. He was scatting away, too. And, as I said, all very loud. I liked him. I didn´t ask his name. I started scatting with him, he looked surprised and joined in. We had fun. He was nice and harmless. He knew a lot and was a master of the English language. He sang, he yelled, he banged on the table. The group I was with just wanted to be left in peace, and told him so, more than one time. I really didn´t mind, to spend ten minutes of my life with this guy. So he ignored them, and focused on me and my friend.
He said, after the war, his parents became very careless, spending more time inside their heads, ignoring him, their only child. His father grew to dislike him, his mother ignored him. He was sad.
But, he told me, in 1961, he discovered beat music, and from then on, it was music and only music that gave him, what he felt was missing in his life. He made a lot of mistakes, he said. Experementing with drugs, drinking too much, he soon had problems with his head.
But, he was an excellent musician. And he knew a few very important things, rules, that he obeyed to and lead his life by. His first rule was love. He said, he knew it was all crap and invented, but once you figured that out, you could play the game and believe it. And that was, why love was the number one rule. Love, just love and you know for certain the meaning of life.
His second rule was to not hurt anyone. And his third rule was, honesty. If you have friends, or really, really like someone, you have to be honest, always.
And he said, to learn all these things and live them, you first had to suffer, and by god, he said, I suffered. And he told me, he knew he was strange, but that was alright, he had his music, and he was content, nonetheless. He made a few more noises, banged the table a couple of times, and scatted..doobidoowaah. And stood up and left, already aiming towards the next table. I just wondered, was he telling the same stuff to the other strangers? And still I think about him.
He just sat down, no one had asked him to, but I guess he didn´t really think about others that much. He started talking immediately, banging with his flat hand on the table to emphasize his opinions. He played the bass-guitar in his own jazz-band. In his mind, that is.
He sang a lot, too. He was scatting away, too. And, as I said, all very loud. I liked him. I didn´t ask his name. I started scatting with him, he looked surprised and joined in. We had fun. He was nice and harmless. He knew a lot and was a master of the English language. He sang, he yelled, he banged on the table. The group I was with just wanted to be left in peace, and told him so, more than one time. I really didn´t mind, to spend ten minutes of my life with this guy. So he ignored them, and focused on me and my friend.
He said, after the war, his parents became very careless, spending more time inside their heads, ignoring him, their only child. His father grew to dislike him, his mother ignored him. He was sad.
But, he told me, in 1961, he discovered beat music, and from then on, it was music and only music that gave him, what he felt was missing in his life. He made a lot of mistakes, he said. Experementing with drugs, drinking too much, he soon had problems with his head.
But, he was an excellent musician. And he knew a few very important things, rules, that he obeyed to and lead his life by. His first rule was love. He said, he knew it was all crap and invented, but once you figured that out, you could play the game and believe it. And that was, why love was the number one rule. Love, just love and you know for certain the meaning of life.
His second rule was to not hurt anyone. And his third rule was, honesty. If you have friends, or really, really like someone, you have to be honest, always.
And he said, to learn all these things and live them, you first had to suffer, and by god, he said, I suffered. And he told me, he knew he was strange, but that was alright, he had his music, and he was content, nonetheless. He made a few more noises, banged the table a couple of times, and scatted..doobidoowaah. And stood up and left, already aiming towards the next table. I just wondered, was he telling the same stuff to the other strangers? And still I think about him.
Samstag, 3. April 2010
Damn!
DAMN!
erstens ist das Meer nicht perlmuttergrau, die Möwen sind nicht weiß, der Sand weder gelb noch grau, nicht einmal das Gras ist grün oder gelb, das tiefe Gewölk nicht violett -
Max Frisch, Montauk
erstens ist das Meer nicht perlmuttergrau, die Möwen sind nicht weiß, der Sand weder gelb noch grau, nicht einmal das Gras ist grün oder gelb, das tiefe Gewölk nicht violett -
Max Frisch, Montauk
Donnerstag, 1. April 2010
before
Before I went to the Garden, believing I´d never come back, the prospect seemed so appealing, I wrote a letter to each person I considered to be a friend, whom I believed I loved.
The thing was, I had so much love in me, where it came from, I just couldn´t quite figure out, after living through a lot of rejection in early years, I guess it was just the thing to do, love, instead of despite.
But the envelopes, they stayed empty in the end, it must have been, I was never good with words and my emotions too strong to put them on paper. So when I had left, and my past soon became blurry, I just had the ghost of hope, that they´d know, how dearly I loved them all.
Robert Mel Parkner, Garden City
The thing was, I had so much love in me, where it came from, I just couldn´t quite figure out, after living through a lot of rejection in early years, I guess it was just the thing to do, love, instead of despite.
But the envelopes, they stayed empty in the end, it must have been, I was never good with words and my emotions too strong to put them on paper. So when I had left, and my past soon became blurry, I just had the ghost of hope, that they´d know, how dearly I loved them all.
Robert Mel Parkner, Garden City
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