lead the way

legs of lead
lead the way
across the borderline
to a place with an open sky
you´ve wandered here before
but you can´t remember
with whom and when
you wish that the world
would fall silent and then
you ´d have some time to sort
through the library of things unspoken
legs of lead
lead the way
into a heart that´s grown sour
but you go on and ask yourself
will you recognize the moment
and will you be able to prevent
the big muscle and all inside
from turning bitter in the end
darkness prevails for eternity
it gives the only true embrace
that you can count on any time
you brought it here
from a place with an open sky
you ask yourself but why?
and you know the answer, son
you know it to be exact
so don´t complain
and toughen yourself
don´t you dare live in regret
live in vain, in misery or pain
but you know the answer
get cold and don´t complain
don´t think of things unsaid
because you speak no tongue
for all the foolish games
and if you did
it would all come tumbling down
so don´t start giving it names

from
R.M. Parkner   Saturn and You

mother of gloom

Gaze

The end of a life-time
that never began
Living in a dream
that merges with the night
Endlessly it seems
I have been walking on
I can´t think
what colours your eyes might be
It´s a haze
It seems I forgot your smell
In a maze
Colours left the world
On I go
and I gaze
over fields
where the wind
brushes the crop
and it sways
and is tenderly
caressed
and I want to sit in there
so I will be treated the same
I sit still at night
in a my stack of hay
On and on it goes
It seems that I´m a bad learner
and an even worst earner
Drifter
Shifter
Call me by my name
There is no shame
The last riddle
I couldn´t get solved
I guess I´m not stupid
but maybe not smart enough
One of these days
I might sit back and laugh
dearly
when it´s all open
and I can see clearly
what has been here
forever and always
Says the one
The son who
strays

nights of waste

Days of work
Nights of waste
There is no more
gracious spark
Guess it´s time
to grow up now
Time to throw up now
Set it all in order
but how?
Seasons come and go
Your bones still know
what has been carved
into them
the marks of history
No one knows how you
really see things
or if you see them clearly
You can try and tell
you can go and pretend
you can be a silent bastard
so everyone has to guess
till they get bored of you
and you stand alone
again
Even if you try
you already know
you always know
what is coming for you
It has always been announced
just pour toi
You are a goddamn son
You are a king of fools
when they have gone
you stay and play
with your stupid tools
the worst
there are no walls to your prison
but everything stays inside
you walk loud in shame
sometimes in quiet pride
you care for everyone
and treat them nice
or some with deep
profound love
nothing you expect
but still
you don´t want to get hurt
they take your shoulder
you almost never use theirs
you lean on the darkness
a force from inside
succumb to it you will one day
I can see it in your eye
You have been astray
You have lost the way
I see a tear that never will fall
Should I tell you know
what you should know
Hear the call
and goddamn it!
You shall stay!

Trying

I´ve never been an artist
I tried it all out
I guess it´s just not working
for me
A messy lifestyle nonetheless
I picked up a guitar
and dropped it
everyone writes the most cruel riffs
I stood in front of the microphone
didn´t find my voice
there are so many great voices
the crux of the shy boy
he should overcome
I took up to painting
but didn´t find my stroke
the world is too full of pictures
always wanted to be a strong man
maybe that´s my weakness
I tried it out with writing
but had no words
the paper stayed empty
there are many who always have the bigger words
and get all the girls fooled
I know
I shouldn´t try
so much and
much to eager
to prove myself
the more I try
the quicker I´ll fail
Still I´m trying
to express what´s not to find
I´m trying
to brush away the gathering clouds
I´m still trying
How can others always do?
There is no envy
but I just got no clue
someone said
that art is solitude
it´s a mighty fortress
with the biggest moat
it´s a ship sailing away
into a storm
without a lifeboat
the more I struggle
to express
the more it all turns
to a stopping time
that runs off
into the dusk

Game

I wish
every night
and every morning
that I´ve finally found my goal
or my aim
But it seems that it´s supposed to be
nothing but a big, big game
I wish I´d find my home
before my resting place
I wish I´d find some quiet
and some peace
before I´ll fall to pieces
I think I´m ready
but it don´t feel quite right
I wish I didn´t think that much
and I wish I´d feel at ease
I think I am ready now
to settle somewhere
The way there
was an ardous one
Now I can feel it
the grasp
on my fingertips
It could be close
Feelings in the deep-freeze
and no time to thaw them
The heart is a cathedral
but you shouldn´t pray
It is not a place to do that in
You will know
when you know
I´m too tired of running away
from my own ghosts
who are chased by my demons
I´m too tired to recognize
or distinguish
I just need to be kicked around
a little more
Shake me, so I wake up
Agony is a companion
but never a real good friend
I think I´ve been repaired
and the leaks have been ment
Not quite sure what that meant
All the words sound pitiful
that is never what I said
Don´t weigh gold you haven´t earned
The magic always comes back
and doubles the doubt
not in others
but in you
heck, it´s not doubled
it rains sevenfold
I stand in awe
and behold
myself from the outside
what an idiot
what a fool
I should jump in the fire
and dance on the hot coal
Never run away
Always stay
and face it all
It won´t bring the fall
The best season
where the woods turn damp
all prepares for the end
which brings a new beginning
in a few months to come
in which all sleeps
even the beloved bees
my heart is a cathedral
not a church
it´s about the acoustic
not people kneeling down
I fight the fight of fights
The more I fight it, the more it becomes true
Just need to ease down
and all I do is frown
I feel like a destroyer of worlds
the man of dissappointment
and I long
to find a home
to find it
want it to be simple
and not big
So why do I force myself
to accomplish
what I can´t get
The glimpse of it
should be enough
It´s hard to understand
I´ll never let you
even if I´ll let myself down
I can hold you
when I have no pillars
to support me
Understand and don´t ever tell me
what I know
Deep in the abyss
is where the true self roams
If you´d ever have met him
you´d know what I´m in
It´s not meant condescending
because you never did
I lock him away
whenever he´s in the mood
I strike him down
with a light and the buckle of my belt
I guess it´s my way of coping
take the pain
and what I do for a living
is inflicting it upon you
and all the colours
from black to shining bright
after they are healed
you´ll feel good
and alright
if not
I´ve failed
and if I fail
I´ll try again
that´s just the way
I guess
I am
So my tears are not in vain
Cause I truly know
whatever happens
You meant good
in this messed up game

the sound of saturn

the crown

the thing I hate the most
the thing I haven´t worked out
is my stepfathers attitude
I find in myself
I should have forgotten
all about it
but the older I grow
the more and more I find
I have my mothers solitude
I should have all my friends gratitude
but I don´t know anymore
who to follow and what to find
I wear darkness as my ensign
Carry it, but not too proud
I have my mothers solitude
I should speak up to myself
but I utter no words
that are of this world
There is just anger
where love could be
there is rage
where compassion
was supposed to be
The evil was there
and I embraced it
Knowing no limit
the skies came down
and I embraced them
I got no passion
just the idea of it
I just got a profession
and don´t know what to make of it
always afraid to go too far
I stand
and think
and feel
maybe this once
I should be the king of
my own kingdom
and what will come
are a thousand
offspring
or less or more
Just ignore
let someone else have the crown
achievement is just a big old bore
and if it´s handed down
it´s even worse
I´ll become the fathers son sooner or later
sitting by his side
time it is
to abide
till the dagger comes down
hearts will explode
in an ultimate betrayal
but that is just the way
that is just the way
if you´ve gotten in the way
of yourself
don´t be too mad
and let it rest
leave in peace
all the pieces
of a puzzle
that just gives you
a great muzzle

 

ancient

I got no time
I got a lot on my mind
There´s a lot to erase
of the past
of good and bad
of niceties and mistakes
that I´ve made
I´ve got a lot to erase
cause there is nothing to work out
anymore
and there´s no regret
it should just begone
I´ve got a lot to erase
of a life-time
of a life in time
goin´nowhere slow
and nowhere fast
the now is now
and it´s all over right
in the blink of an eye
I got no time for pain
It´s all over right
in the blink of my eye
so if I cut it open
and put it on display
should I be ashamed
or just do it like a lot of people do
I´ll always be in a closet full of myself
and nowhere to run
the fool of a craziness
soon to come
out in the open
they say, it´s all at stake
but it´s always been like that
for them
there is nothing to worry
so why at stake
the only salvation is
that there is no salvation
destroying mind and body
through a million bottles
the endless laughter
of nights out on the roam
a search that has no goal
we knew it from the start
pissing it away
we could be missing it all
comes the day someone will find you
what will you do
I think I will continue
the hopeless path
of a destruction
that is inevitable
I just can´t relate
so I do all things
and the harmful one´s I will forever and always do to me
cause I couldn´t see you suffer
there´s a distant shimmer
that it all could be good
but the circumstance defines
and not this everlasting mood
a knowledge gained through the doors
when they open you´ll walk in
when they close you are in the maze forever
walking through tombstones
walking with the lost
you just don´t know
when to grasp the moment
just when it all is good
you walk the planet of your father
who turned to dust in the ice
a long, long time ago
you are a wanderer between the stars and the borderline
now is now
just wander on, son
life should be too good
so waste it all
wherever you set foot
leave everyone behind
leave no one alone
find the courage again
to destroy and gain
hell will follow you
and all your demons
loose all you got
even your wits
if you ever had them
walk on
walk on
walk on
your shell still stands stronger
than their living bodies
listen to the rings
and all the moons
that are around you
a huge and ancient storm
that rages
and will go on
when eveything else
has disappeared
I have no fear
And you shouldn´t have
one eye open
one is shut
the way to find through
is easy enough
 

I owe it to you

the only solution
the only salvation
the only true way
all i get is all that i get
and all i want is all what i want
just a few dreams and drifts
through the worlds
and when it all ends
it ain´t that good or bad
the inside becomes a little colder
each and every time
put some more logs in the furnace
and all ignites again
and what i do is what i do
 i shouldn´t give a good old goddamn
i couldn´t care less
at least that´s pretend
my shiny suit
that suits me fine
and have a bottle of wine
right next where there
should be a safe place
give some knots to the lace
pain is just what i do
it´s my profession and all my life
i do what i do
couldn´t ask too much
wouldn´t ask you to understand
i never needed a helping hand
just to be in someone´s arms
but never just anyone´s
i can´t choose to let me fall
i fall where i trip
i gain through pain
and pain i will gain
it is everlasting
give me more rope
and never you´ll walk alone
i´ll never let you down
that´s the fabric i´m made of
friends and lovers all the same
i succumb to your game
a few lashes with sticks and belts
never made me fade away
i am the one who chooses
when it´s best to carry on or go away
never meant you harm
what a prick
but i´ve never let you down in my heart
even if i went away
to seek the cure
for all this mess
that i created
and i couldn´t care less about myself
storming through everything and then
the wind ends
the dust lays down to sleep
write down all drunk misery
i am your reader
i don´t want to be that evil
the monstrosity is artificial
i want to do you good
but all i carry is harm
the chances are that
i´ll run away for good
but always i´ve been a coward
a fool livin in the hills
of imagination
mother´s called me a dreamer and a sensible
boy, but don´t go all freud on me now
i guess it is the material
that i´ve been made of
still, i seek the romance
and the laughter
and the kiss of a friend
that i hold dear
time is pressing now
i should act
but all the shit always scared the hell
out of my demons
while you walk away
 i try and stay cold
and a little ice cube
where the arctis could be
i watch it in others
they do and do
and i only do
what my soul tells me at night
so i don´t do nothin, man.
the heart is just a muscle
why does it cause
distractions in my brain
with fingers bleeding i´ll go to sleep
i think i´ve found the way
and then a minute later
all in vain
i think i´ ve found my way
but lost the map
and now i am astray
looking in my eyes i see nothing anymore
looking in my heart i see the fires of hell
and one great angel on the throne
a son, and his father long gone
we´ve been trapped by ourselves
a reflection in the icy waters
breathing is heavy now
the lungs are filled with all the stuff you smoke
and you hide it all
from the loved ones and the ones you hate
beating the heart
beating the brain
nothing is left
and everything is there
the blind can´t see
but do everything else
at its best
what is it all made of?
you tell me, cause i´m a fool who throws it all away
pissing it away and livin´ all
the heart is not empty, but you shouldn´t cut it open to see
you should know
funny, inflicting pain all the time
but not able to handle it
like a butcher who cries at night
my heart and brain are racing
sweating like a maniac i wake up all the time
if i fall asleep just hold me tight
all i do is pretending
but i know a few things and i feel i know them right
it´s always my turn to prove them right or wrong
i´ve had all the dreams of life
so what more do i want?
always wanting more
cause i am not a monk
or should i be the hermit
and i listen to every word you say
and i´m honest enough
so let me say
i hang on every letter
and it´s true
i could write a poem for y´all
and maybe i will
but if the paper is empty
it´s for the lack of words
for my eternal gratefulness
and all my love
i owe it all to you my loved ones
i wish there would be a song about it all
we could listen to it for days
i will buy you that record one day
that is a promise
i will give you some sweet honey
for all good you did to me
we are no enemies
and if i´ll let that all go away
don´t be mad
if there are stains of cigarettes and red wine on my floor
it´s always like it´s been before
and won´t change i guess
but don´t be too mad
anf if you are
i couldn´t explain much anyways
it´s half past something
time to sleep
amd wake up again
and again
just listen to the key i play in
if not it´s okay by me. too.