squeaky squirrel supercoup

messages at 11:55

The first fortune-cracker on New Year´s Eve read: employment brings enjoyment

The second one: the king said sail, but the wind said no.

sometime in december

underwater-love

decembre

Saturned

I definitely felt it everywhere I went. I felt the longing, this urge to have it all, to own it all, to own everyone, to buy everything my heart did not desire, to get all what I did not need but knew I was able to get it. I went to many countries, spending my fortune on what I could lay my hands. Sports cars, women, men, drugs, food, luxurious fashion, adventures, pain, happiness, near death experiences. I did it not because I needed it, or really wanted it, I did it because I could and out of spite and loathing for mankind and all it included. I simply used and abused it all. This went on for the better time of seven years until I realized, the money just kept coming, I couldn´t spend more than I earned. My body was ridden by the excess of the atttempt to destroy it, which was in my young years then a try to pursue the meaning of it all, as I later came to realize.
When I could no longer endure, I found a book and that book told me what to do. I gave away my fortune, installed different trust-funds for my many children in a lot of different families I had over the time, packed my rucksack I got in a thrift store, with as little as possible, including the book,
which then I called My Way to Saturn. I didn´t know what I was in for, but it would soon turn out to be the last journey I ever undertook. I would be dying in this place. But not before in the most painful way to be imagined I walked through the abyss of it, in the most horrifying ordeal, i got to know it all, worst than I ever lived or imagined, I finally came to a peace, I knew I had been looking for my whole life. I became saturned. And though no words can tell what you have to endure, it was the best that ever happened to me, with me and against me. For many years I lived there in a frightening harmony and quiet with myself and a few others who made it there alive and who I rarely saw.
For example, I spent the better part of April, I think it was, just sitting on a slope under a big birch tree, becoming part of a bee hive that was settled in the lower branches. They just used me to sit on, until I wandered of to join the various wild-flowers growing on the bank of a small creek. There I stayed a couple of weeks. Just swooning with them in the mild wind under warm sun, from not thinking much to not thinking at all and just feeling like them.
Etc., etc. I could tell more episodes of that wonderful time, but after all that time I ran out of notebooks. Maybe one day you will discover this place, and where my body lays, you might find all the writing I did, while there. And you will know the whole story, and the story of everyone that has been here, for now, I have only given you fragments. You have to find it yourself.
And then, one time, you possibly find yourself very much saturned as I did.

The Wanderers Of Saturn, by R.M. Parkner

For my family

Oh Mother Darkness
And Father Abyss
Your nameless child is calling for you
In your worlds you let me wander
And the places where they met
Oh my Sister Rage I found
And my Brother Fear came to see
Together we clung
Now you cling to my side
Every try of shaking you off
Has failed
Soon I will become like you
The best you taught me
But I will be more powerful
I will be Indifference


J. Springtime, Tale of the Bottom of the Sea